Yuck! Argh! Woah! Cowabunga dude!
I am riding the wave that has anger, fear, uncertainty and frustration in it. With so many changes in my life in the last 6 months, let alone the last year my head is sometimes spinning from it. At times (most times) I am not even sure how I feel. I am in the wave, on top of the wave, being propelled forward by the wave. And sometimes under the wave waiting to break the surface and re-emerge. Thank god, Buddha and the goddess that I am a good swimmer! I can body surf but I always wanted to learn how to surf with a surf-board. This is emotional surfing.
In the past 6 months I left my long-term group therapy group, had gastric bypass surgery, left a job and a whole career field (marketing and fundraising) for a new one (life coaching). I started a new job (to pay the bills) and now at my 6 month post surgery mark I have hit a weight plateau. oh, yeah and I am also going through the termination process with my therapist/counselor of the past 3 years. I have been to 3 different states in the past 3 months. It is a lot of change. And I can tell myself that change is good. Now I am suppose to be responsible for coaching people through their changes? I feel ready and capable at once then in the next moment I feel totally unprepared and lost. Who am I? What am I doing? Am I ready for this?
My head is swimming from all these changes and sometimes I get frustrated, upset and angry. Sometimes this happens and I get frustrated, upset and angry with myself for getting frustrated, upset, and angry.
I am riding the wave that has anger, fear, uncertainty and frustration in it. With so many changes in my life in the last 6 months, let alone the last year my head is sometimes spinning from it. At times (most times) I am not even sure how I feel. I am in the wave, on top of the wave, being propelled forward by the wave. And sometimes under the wave waiting to break the surface and re-emerge. Thank god, Buddha and the goddess that I am a good swimmer! I can body surf but I always wanted to learn how to surf with a surf-board. This is emotional surfing.
In the past 6 months I left my long-term group therapy group, had gastric bypass surgery, left a job and a whole career field (marketing and fundraising) for a new one (life coaching). I started a new job (to pay the bills) and now at my 6 month post surgery mark I have hit a weight plateau. oh, yeah and I am also going through the termination process with my therapist/counselor of the past 3 years. I have been to 3 different states in the past 3 months. It is a lot of change. And I can tell myself that change is good. Now I am suppose to be responsible for coaching people through their changes? I feel ready and capable at once then in the next moment I feel totally unprepared and lost. Who am I? What am I doing? Am I ready for this?
My head is swimming from all these changes and sometimes I get frustrated, upset and angry. Sometimes this happens and I get frustrated, upset and angry with myself for getting frustrated, upset, and angry.
When I am riding on top of the wave I have all the confidence in the world. I feel elated and soaring -- like I can do anything. I keep telling myself calmly from my centered "inner SELF" that I know I have developed the tools and skills I need to cope with the changes and I can "ride the wave." I think I am operating at the limits of my comfort zone and there is no safety net.
I went to my gastric bypass support group for support and a BIG reality check -- it was good. I felt much better about the weight plateau. I also calmed down my own internal expectations and realized that I still have a huge attachment to the weight loss, succeeding and being "ahead of the projected goals".....all along i have been putting up big weight loss #s. At my 6 month check in and weight in I was at 55% of goal. So of course, I gave myself a big pat on the back. Because I am ahead. So, even though every morning I repeat to myself a little mantra of "If I never loose anymore weight, I am fine as I am." There is a little rebel inside saying, "Fuck no, I want the weight loss. You can do better." I need to make friends with my little rebel and let her know there is a better way to define success than weight loss numbers.
There was a guy at the support group who gave me a good perspective. He said he lost like .6 lbs during the 6 month and then at the 7 month mark lost 11 lbs. He adjusted the intensity of his workout. There was a speaker at the group who was an Exercise expert who talked about changing your exercise. "Do more yoga" has been on my dream board and I checked out the yoga class schedule at work and found one that is going to work for my schedule so that is good. I know I can take steps to work through it physically. Now the hard work is psychically or meta-physically. The belief that keeps biting me on the ass is "I can always do better." I need to remember and re-believe that "There is no bettering me. I am as I am."
I started to get depressed when I think about all the stuff I need to do to get my coaching business up and running. What comes up for me is "there is always just one more thing that I haven't done." I worry that my "everyone" will judge me and I will come up short. I feel very overwhelmed by it. ARRRRGGGGGHH! I need to remember and re-believe that "there will always be one more thing to do, but I won't come undone if it doesn't get done."
I do have a business name that i like. I am not sure if it is my "tag line" or "catch phrase" or business name. . . "Body-wise" Coaching. I really like it. I want to remain friends or at least on "speaking terms" with my body since it is my longest trusted ally and friend. I want to help and support others to do the same. It is such an important thing and yet I don't think I am "done" with my journey yet either.
On my website (yet to be built) I see the Buddha and a swirling panel of chakra colored lights coming out of the Buddha on the flash intro to my website. Who doesn't like a flashing Buddha?
Okay, for now I am riding the wave. Sometimes I will be in the wave, sometimes under waiting to resurface. I just have to remember that I am a strong swimmer and I can deal with a little sand in my bathing suit.
I went to my gastric bypass support group for support and a BIG reality check -- it was good. I felt much better about the weight plateau. I also calmed down my own internal expectations and realized that I still have a huge attachment to the weight loss, succeeding and being "ahead of the projected goals".....all along i have been putting up big weight loss #s. At my 6 month check in and weight in I was at 55% of goal. So of course, I gave myself a big pat on the back. Because I am ahead. So, even though every morning I repeat to myself a little mantra of "If I never loose anymore weight, I am fine as I am." There is a little rebel inside saying, "Fuck no, I want the weight loss. You can do better." I need to make friends with my little rebel and let her know there is a better way to define success than weight loss numbers.
There was a guy at the support group who gave me a good perspective. He said he lost like .6 lbs during the 6 month and then at the 7 month mark lost 11 lbs. He adjusted the intensity of his workout. There was a speaker at the group who was an Exercise expert who talked about changing your exercise. "Do more yoga" has been on my dream board and I checked out the yoga class schedule at work and found one that is going to work for my schedule so that is good. I know I can take steps to work through it physically. Now the hard work is psychically or meta-physically. The belief that keeps biting me on the ass is "I can always do better." I need to remember and re-believe that "There is no bettering me. I am as I am."
I started to get depressed when I think about all the stuff I need to do to get my coaching business up and running. What comes up for me is "there is always just one more thing that I haven't done." I worry that my "everyone" will judge me and I will come up short. I feel very overwhelmed by it. ARRRRGGGGGHH! I need to remember and re-believe that "there will always be one more thing to do, but I won't come undone if it doesn't get done."
I do have a business name that i like. I am not sure if it is my "tag line" or "catch phrase" or business name. . . "Body-wise" Coaching. I really like it. I want to remain friends or at least on "speaking terms" with my body since it is my longest trusted ally and friend. I want to help and support others to do the same. It is such an important thing and yet I don't think I am "done" with my journey yet either.
On my website (yet to be built) I see the Buddha and a swirling panel of chakra colored lights coming out of the Buddha on the flash intro to my website. Who doesn't like a flashing Buddha?
Okay, for now I am riding the wave. Sometimes I will be in the wave, sometimes under waiting to resurface. I just have to remember that I am a strong swimmer and I can deal with a little sand in my bathing suit.
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