New Year, New Life, New You

I had Gastric Bypass Surgery on February 13th of this year. I told only a small group of family and friends. I did not tell my parents or my brother. I made this decision because I didn't feel I would get the support I needed or deserved from them. Sometimes I feel guilty about this but mostly I feel that it was the right decision.

It's a new year and I am starting to learn to eat all over again. Everything is baby steps and in the beginging it was sometimes baby food literally. I had to learn how to be kind and forgiving to myself. Hold my own hand.

The surgery was the "easy" part. All the stuff afterwards was the hard part (and still is). Some days I feel completely on top of things....others I feel completely plowed under by them. Food is omnipresent. Sometimes I feel afraid of it. Like introducing new people into my life. I am distrusting of it. Will it make me sick? Will my new stomach like it? It is a forced process of mindfulness. I appreciate all the things that surgery has taught me about myself.

I feel like I can do anything. Before I might have known I was capable but didn't necessarily believe it. Now I believe it and feel it. Right down to my toes.

My body has changed so drastically. I knew I was in there under all that flesh or fat or cushion or what-have-you. I look back at that other Felicia and I want to give her a hug. She doesn't repulse me or disappoint me. I feel nothing but love and sympathy for her. She worked soooo hard. She was sooo sad sometimes. She thought she had to do it all herself. She was afraid to ask for help. Afraid to be weak.