My Life Purpose?

I think about my life purpose often. Meditate on it. Practice mindful observation. I earnestly stretch my palms out to the world and ask the universe for guidance. The response I get back, over, and over -- continuously in every shape and form -- is that my life's purpose is not written out. It is mine to create. It is mine to own. It is uniquely mine. I sigh.

I would love it to be all mapped out like a nicely written wanted ad. "Your life purpose is as a highly sucessful blabba-blah. You will be paid handsomely. You will be rewarded for your hard work and interpersonal skills. People will adore you. You will love what you do."

I am not sure if my life's work and my next job are the same thing. I think that there are probably levels into between to get there. Another big sigh.

Why can't someone pay me just to be me? Insightful, seeing things other people don't, making connections between people and concepts. Those firecracker kind of insights that come to me in a blink of an eye. Usually with the kind of humor you can't manufacture but that just comes and is funny just because you are not trying to be funny. Okay, so I can't be the "white Oprah."

I have done the visualization of what my "future workplace" looks like. I have this great office with lots of windows. Mostly glass and transparent. Lots of natural wood, calming soothing colors and tones. There were multi-generational employees. Young kids and mature adults all in the same place. Lots of natural light and plants. A central courtyard with a pond of coi fish and a beautiful japanese garden with life-size zen sand and rake area. Lots of calm but good energy. I was in charge of this place. Is it a school? A multi-generational residence community? It seems like it is a modern building. Maybe somewhere like California?

So, I admire the universe's choice for me....but also feel the burden of having to come up with something unique, that reflects me, and is multi-generational. I resist my own gifts.

Why couldn't I just be a doctor or a lawyer or something already written down? I don't feel like being an explorer today. I need a nap or to kick my own butt.