Not everyone gets a seat at the table

I have observed and want to comment on what seems like a lovely and altruistic idea that I have seen with both family and friends. They hold this notion out like a great candle and invite all to see. The idea is this "there is always room for one more at the table." I find this is greatly flawed because you do not actively and selectively screen who you allow at the table with you. If everyone holds equal weight in your life how do you determine who gets your time? If everyone holds equal weight then someone you just met (and may not have your best intentions at heart) can get as close to you as your best friend? Does that seem right to you? It definately doesn't work for me.

Friends and boyfriends cannot be created like sea-monkeys -- just add a little water and bingo insta-buddy. It takes time to know and grow any kind of relationship. I think some of these folks have broken filters. They let in too many and too much -- without discriminating.

People -- family, friends, especially boyfriends, -- either bring light,laughter, and love into your life or they DRAIN YOU OF YOUR PRECIOUS ENERGY.

When you allow everyone to have equal weight in your life you give away a precious commodity (your time and energy and your specialness). That may sound cheesy but it is a lesson I have learned and know to be true.

It is not selfish to think of your time and your life as being precious and look only to associate, befriend or date people who lift you up and who work hard to love you the way you need it.

Anyone (even in jest) who would speak to in a degrading way is not someone worth your time. As my spouse says, "Dump their ass! Kick them to the curb!"

I try really hard to find and allow people in my life who have qualities I admire or aspire to. My spouse is one of them. He is honest, forthright, and always the first one to apologize when he is wrong (even more so than me). He thinks of me first and I always like and admire the qualities he has. He has never told me to "shut up" or called me a 'bitch" or ever, ever spoke to me in any other way other than respectful. I can't always say that I have done the same. It doesn't mean he is perfect but instead we have a equal partnership.

I wish the same for you, my family, my friends, my lovely sweet intelligent nieces and nephews. If you were in front of me I would say this, "You are so smart and have so much to offer. I know you are young and on a journey and haven't quite worked everything out. That is to be expected. I just wanted to let you know that I am not judging you but trying to offer you advice. I want to see you have people in your life that offer you as much as you offer them."

Ultimately, it is about creating healthy boundaries in your life so can protect yourself and expend your energy on yourself first then selectively on others you care about and return the favor.

I see so many friends and family literally "spinning their wheels" drained of all their energies trying to get others to love them the way they need to be loved. It is pointless and fruitless and makes them so very unhappy. A good friend of my likes everyone equally. She will arrive present in hand at the birthday party of some acquaintance and wonder why she has no time for herself and is stressed out at her job. I once asked her why she assumes she likes everyone when she doesn't screen them. How can she have something in common with everyone she meets? That is just not possible.

I have 2 images that come to mind. One is so very simple from aviation. When you are flying and the cabin depressurises, you are instructed to fit your own oxygen mask on first before assisting anyone else (including your own children). Why?Because if you are oxygen deprived you cannot ever help anyone -- including yourself! Secondly, if you strapped a bag of sand on your back and it slowly leaked out where would your trail lead? Would you be leaving great heapfuls of sand with people you barely know? Now imagine the sand is gold (or in this economy gasoline). Would you make different choices with your time?

In My Dreams

I am the Good horse -- This was a very happy and peaceful dream. I was cross-country skiing at night in Iceland with Viggio Mortensen. Sounds like one of those crazy improv skits? Also in between destinations we were looking at hand thrown ceramics and artwork in different galleries. Now why Viggio in Iceland? I connect him with Iceland because of his book "The Horse is Good" he has a photograph of an Icelandic horse (which are my favorite horses). Also Iceland was one of the considered locales for "Lord of the Rings". Having been there on vacation a couple of years ago it does remind me in terms of atmosphere of middle earth like in scenes from the "Rings" movies. Viggio is one of my favorite actors and I consider him my "secret boyfriend." I love this phrase -- it comes from a funny game my nieces used to play called "Who is your secret boyfriend?" I used to like to play it with them and have the boys be boyfriends with each other. They would laugh and thought this was a riot. But, I digress. Why Iceland? Why pottery? Why were we exercising and shopping? Weird huh? Back up a second, I know you may ask me (I asked myself this question) you were in Iceland with "The King", Mr. "I speak a zillion different languages and have eyes that would burn through your soul" and you were cross-country skiing and shopping for pottery? I know, it just wasn't that kind of dream.

In my real trip to Iceland it was Fall and there was not a lot of snow but a lot of rain. I did ride an Icelandic horse but did not buy any pottery. I did see the Northern lights and it was amazing. They were these electric greenish purple hues dancing in the dark liquid sky. It was very dream like.

My dreamland-Iceland was similar to Vermont in winter except darker and with beautiful dreamy green shimmering Northern Lights streaking across the sky. There were no roads and everything was covered in snow. So, peaceful and quiet.

At some point I was riding a beautiful red Icelandic horse with a blond mane and tail. The most exciting part of the dream was when I became the horse. I remember hearing my hooves patter in the snow and feeling comforted in the sound of the bells on my bridal. Icelandic horses have this wonderful special trot called a "troit". It is unique to the breed of horse and it makes them look like they are gliding. Exactly what I was doing in my dream. Gliding. Feeling that freedom of movement. Almost floating. I was strong and sure footed. I knew what my purpose was -- in the most basic sense -- was to move through the snow.

What do I learn from this? Why did I have this dream? What is it telling me?
One of the most interesting exercises in life coaching is using dream analysis to inform you of your own inner dialogue. I ask myself these questions in relationship to my horse dream and realize that I am sure-footed emotionally and now am beginning again to enjoy movement again after having lost 120 lbs. Since, I have literally dumped a lot of baggage I was dragging around I realized that I enjoy movement again. Since my weight-loss there is a freedom that I haven't had in a long time. I was curious as to what Viggio was up to these days and when I looked him up on the web I discovered he is having a photography exhibit at the Reykjavik Photography Museum. So very interesting...

The green Northern lights featured prominently in my dream and to me relates to the green chakra. When green is activated, the person has reached an emotionally deeper understanding of oneself and of others. The green chakra lets the person understand that there is a living, fragile person inside who needs and deserves love. Hello -- this is me! I need this reminder. Sometimes I feel like a tootsie pop -- tough outer shell covering a soft gooey inside.

I believe strongly in animals as signs and symbols in our lives. The Horse totem conveys freedom and the power that comes with being free. Those with this totem are teachers to their partners, friends and family showing them how to stand solid within themselves. Individuals who choose to be involved with a horse person do so because the need for self empowerment is strong. Because horse medicine people hold the energy of power their leadership and teaching skills are usually in demand. Intuitive and wise they make excellent therapists. They enjoy helping others but often feel as if there is no one to lead or teach them. Horses give their riders the safety of speed and the promise of adventure. If horse has come to you, you are being offered a gift of safe movement. Is there somewhere that you want or need to go? A Horse can help you get there, whether the place is physical or spiritual. Is their a new venture you want to undertake? Call on horse to help you create it. Are there challenges in front of you that you dot want to deal with? If so, the horse asks you to awaken your inner power and move forward with courage. During my new venture as a life coach I feel secure in my abilities to help others but sometimes doubt myself and stop from moving forward. I work on curing my doubt by believing in myself.

The other elements were a sense of peace in my life and the ability to access art and creativity. I look forward to find more ways to invite art into my life.

Autistic Artist -- This dream was more anxiety producing and had to do with my struggle to express myself adequately. I was an autistic artist who speaks French, Spanish, Chinese and sign language. In English I struggle to get the words out and they choke in my throat. I was wearing a head set (like a telemarketer) and a bright yellow outfit that I looked smashing in and I was told to sing a song for the audience. I felt confident that I knew the words but the music started and I realized it was the wrong song playing. I realized I didn't know the words so I just tried to fake them. It didn't go over well. As I walked around the room I realized sprinkled throughout my audience was every evil, awful, boss I ever worked for. Sitting there, mumbling to themselves and just shaking their crazy heads and criticizing me for my "shortcomings". I was torn between feeling proud and and being embarrassed that I tried to fake my way through something and not asking for help. Wow, I just realized that last part as I was writing it. Trying to fake my way through and not asking for help has been a recurring theme in my life. I have worked very hard to realize it is NOT a shortcoming to recognize and ask for help. In fact, I have been quite proud that I learned this lesson this year and put it into action.

In my dream each language I spoke expressed a different mood or feelings. I think French was for passion and play, Chinese was something about connecting to the exotic or completely other than me. Spanish was second nature since I used to speak and write it fluently. Sign language was interesting because it was deeply personal and a way to connect on a different level with another person.

Signing or performing in front of an audience is something I haven't done in a very long time. But, always fully enjoyed and was good at. The color yellow was interesting, in terms of chakras it relates to Chakra Three: Fire, Ego identity, oriented to self-definition. The yellow chakra is known as the power chakra, located in the solar plexus. It rules our personal power, will, and autonomy, as well as our metabolism. When healthy, this chakra brings us energy, effectiveness, spontaneity, and non-dominating power. So, in essence my dream was about my own personal power and how I let in the criticism of others to diminish my own strength. Again, reaffirming for me to listen to my own intuition and not take in others critique above and beyond my own. ~

Have you had any good dreams lately? Tell me about them and we can do a dream analysis!