These past few months, hell even this past year (2007) and into this new year (2008), I have had a lot of different beginnings and endings. Some exciting and some sad. Some puzzling and some frustrating. I feel like singing the jingle from the Target ads...."when I say goodbye you say hello ....hello, hello, I don't know why you say goodbye when I say hello..." Knowing me, I probably got those lyrics wrong. So, my apologies for any misquoted lyrics.I think of things sometimes in categories and all the changes this past year makes me think in terms of a system that my 6th grade English teacher taught us as a way to categorize literature. She taught us to categorize stories in this way, "Man vs. Man, Man vs. Nature, and Man vs. Self." For my purposes, I am adjusting the "man" to "person" (yes, I know --- so gender neutral and PC of me -- just deal with it). I loved this system. At the same time it seems neat and tidy as well as being somewhat confining. It works for my purposes as I process my comings and goings.
Person vs. Nature
In November of 2007 my sweet little 14 year old bunny went to happy hunting ground (which is what my family growing up called pet heaven). For rabbits I imagine that as "electrical cord heaven". In "electrical cord heaven" they get to chew things they are not suppose to and every so often someone comes out to chase them away from chewing those cords with an added bonus nothing tries to eat them. I miss her but I relish the choice of how and where to put furniture and not having to "rabbit proof" things. I finally feel I have a fully adult apartment. Hello IKEA goodbye Scooter.
Person vs. Self
In December of 2007, I said "hello" again to an angry, ugly friend named "back pain". This was a friend I was not happy to see again. It tends to rear its ugly face when I am not paying close attention to my own needs. I said "see you later" to my physical mobility for a while with crippling sciatica and suspended feeling in my right big toe (my body's choice not mine.) Both mobility and feeling have slowly returned to me and I am glad that we are on speaking terms these days. I spend a good portion of each day catching up with my body and continuing the dialogue so that the feeling in my toe returns and my mobility continues to improve. My body is my emotional compass. I continue to learn that lesson and realize that this is the first thing that falls off my radar when I press on forward without thinking. Hello yoga and goodbye mindlessly eating cookies (a favoured past-time).
Person vs. Person
In January 2008 I had a long awaited and much anticipated final therapy session with a long-term therapist, whom I had been seeing for the past 4 years. I am very proud of the work I have done with her on my weight, body image, improving my self-esteem and learning to express my needs in an honest forthright manner. In my goodbye note to her, I thanked her for assisting me in "returning me to myself". She helped me tap into my own inner resources in a way that is sustainable. I am very proud of being able to feel good about saying goodbye to her. At the same time I feel sad about the loss of her as my confidante I feel confident that I have internalized the things she has taught me. I can be the advocate I need in my life and I am able to navigate the storm and steer my own ship with confidence. Goodbye Aliki -- hello Felicia.
Person vs. Self
Last year, I said goodbye to a career field (marketing and fundraising) in which I had many successes but I also really started to resent and felt burned out about. I know in my heart that my unhappiness in this career field contributed to my weight gain and allow me to ignore my physical needs and throw myself head long into a work environment that required long hours (more excuses to not exercise or eat right or take care of myself). I said hello with great anticipation as well as trepidation to my new career field as a life coach. I began my training last year and this month I officially became a certified life coach. I feel excited and a little nervous but also very confident that with my skills and training that I deserve to be paid for my services. I still struggle with feeling worthy of being paid but know that it was time to start charging for my services. I was beginning to feel a little resentful of my coaching time. So, I say hello to professional coaching and goodbye to self sacrifice and putting others first.
Person vs. Self
On February 13th 2008 I had my had the one year anniversary of my gastric bypass surgery. I said hello to my new body and goodbye to the old. It was also so much more than that. It was a transformation from old thinking to new. It was also releasing and letting go of pain and frustration that kept me in my "fat cocoon" for a long time. I said goodbye to a closet full of clothes and shoes and hello to a new wardrobe with lots of amazing different choices. Hello to more and different exercise. Hello to stairs goodbye to elevators. Hello to better eating habits and goodbye to waiting to eat until the end of the day and eating not stop for 4 hours at night. Hello to eating in the open in the daylight and goodbye to hungrily sneaking food. My struggle with good eating habits and daily exercise are ongoing. Emphasis is on DAILY. I would to maintain my investment in me and also to look at my mistakes in terms of relapse prevention. I am not perfect and I WILL make mistakes. However, I say goodbye to beating myself up about those mistakes and instead hello to learning from them.
Person vs. Person
Another thing that I realized, is that even when you change sometimes the people around you don't. I have found some around me also try to resist me changing. I experienced this with different people in my life with their reactions to my weight loss (good, bad, and indifferent). I found some jealous, some trying to sabotage me, some curious, and some completely indifferent. I great many were very supportive. I also experienced this when recently I decided to take my life coaching practice to the next level. People see what they want. Clients take in what they want and tend to categorize information as it suits them. I am lucky that some close to me are unconditionally supportive of me. It is a mixed bag. I have conscientiously decided to conveniently pick and choose which attitudes suit me and write the rest off as "their business". I realize some attitudes I can't change and frankly are not worth trying to change. My energy can best be directed towards me. Goodbye attachments to outcome and hello to allowing change and listening to my needs.
