Frequently I have see the world in "black and/or white" or as my Irish-Catholic upbringing reminds me so eloquently "feast or famine." When the potato famine happened in Ireland and all those ships brought the starving hordes to America Jonathan Swift wrote a famous article about how the Irish could solve this crisis by "eating their own children". Of course, ironic but not entirely wrong.
Martha Beck calls this "all or nothing" thinking the "Inner Lizard". We are all hard-wired with animal instincts that "there is not enough" which is driven by the "flight or fight" response. Like me, when you have struggled with eating issues it presents itself as the "feast or famine." I will eat everything in front of me for there will never be enough to fill the hole....or I will deny myself and eat nothing for the next 24 hours.
Of course, denial is also related to guilt and repentance (another lovely vestige left over when you are a retired Catholic such as myself). Denial increases the urge in me and turns up the fear so it washes up and envelopes me like a huge hungry tidal wave. In these moments, picture me in my kitchen literally shaking from hunger or fear or what have you and trying to eat un-thawed frozen food -- like I will never see another food morsel in my life.
I have been learning that so much of the "feast or famine" is in my head and my heart. Just like Swift was trying to remind his people (my people) there was NO famine in Ireland at this time only a failure of one particular crop -- the potato. Irish people came to America in droves with hungry eyes. It wasn't until they claimed their power in the American society did they squelch their own hunger.
The famine for me was the loneliness and disconnection that I had within myself and thus with other people. The famine for me was both physical and mental. I never needed to look outside myself or to food for comfort. I already had it with in me. I have learned to see the famine as temporary and try to focus on the feast as the best my life has to offer....only sometimes does that include food.
Martha Beck calls this "all or nothing" thinking the "Inner Lizard". We are all hard-wired with animal instincts that "there is not enough" which is driven by the "flight or fight" response. Like me, when you have struggled with eating issues it presents itself as the "feast or famine." I will eat everything in front of me for there will never be enough to fill the hole....or I will deny myself and eat nothing for the next 24 hours.
Of course, denial is also related to guilt and repentance (another lovely vestige left over when you are a retired Catholic such as myself). Denial increases the urge in me and turns up the fear so it washes up and envelopes me like a huge hungry tidal wave. In these moments, picture me in my kitchen literally shaking from hunger or fear or what have you and trying to eat un-thawed frozen food -- like I will never see another food morsel in my life.
I have been learning that so much of the "feast or famine" is in my head and my heart. Just like Swift was trying to remind his people (my people) there was NO famine in Ireland at this time only a failure of one particular crop -- the potato. Irish people came to America in droves with hungry eyes. It wasn't until they claimed their power in the American society did they squelch their own hunger.
The famine for me was the loneliness and disconnection that I had within myself and thus with other people. The famine for me was both physical and mental. I never needed to look outside myself or to food for comfort. I already had it with in me. I have learned to see the famine as temporary and try to focus on the feast as the best my life has to offer....only sometimes does that include food.
Mostly, I have learned to feast on the love and connections I feel to life around me. I feast on my connections to nature through my garden or through my special little backyard friends. I am learning to find the richness that my own body can offer me. I revel in my ability to feel strong riding my bike or up high on horseback going down a dusty trail.
I am my own companion. My own well-spring of love and life. It was always there. It just took me to find it. Sláinte!
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