I was talking to a friend of mine about taking risks today. I truly believe that our lives are about taking risks. We are never guaranteed an outcome that we want or desire. It is still worth taking them. Loving the people in your life and possibly loosing them is also part of life. It totally sucks and I don't know if I am strong enough to say I do this willingly. But never the less it happens whether I want it to or not.
I think as much as I hate the idea of loss or failure I am proud that I am still willing to take the risk. No one knows how much time they have or can predict who they will love. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am an open book. I throw myself headlong and look with out leaping when it comes to love. Perhaps, it is careless and reckless but I do it anyway.
I remember that when I think about loosing Mary Connolly. She was a very beautiful person. She gave her love to those around her freely and fiercely. She had a warrior soul in a tiny little Mrs. Santa Claus looking body. She shared her home and her heart with her family, their friends, and strangers so willingly and fearlessly (who weren't strangers for very long after they met her). Even though she had many reasons to be shut down to the experience of love she always carried it with her. She had the greatest love of her life in her husband. They accepted each other (flaws, faults, shortcomings) and inspired each other to be the best they could be together and apart. She also continued even after he died though a huge part of her went with him. She continued to share and give to those around her.
Even when she knew she was dying she just wanted to reach out and tell the ones around her that she loved them. I sat with her on the porch not long before she died and she told me how much she loved me. It was pure and beautiful. It filled my heart like a great swell. It touched me and I will always be grateful for it. I admire that. I aspire to be that brave. To be that graceful and at peace with life that even in the end I can give to those I love. To not have any regrets. To not be afraid or hold onto your ego. Just to love. She taught me this and I will never forget it.
